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Spider-Man 2 (PS5)

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Well this has been a long time coming. Yes, I could have bought it at any point but it was seventy paahnd or something else obscene so I didn’t. Then I got it for Christmas and it was added to the pile and in the last week, I finally got round to playing it. Just as Sony gave it away as a free rental on PS++++++++. The secret to comedy, is timing.

Let me first tell you about the install procedure. It took several hours to install the disc (remember those?) to the PS5’s internal SSD. Then, it took FOUR DAYS to download the 81GB update which presumably replaces the entire game I’d already waited impatiently to install. Then, it took TWO MORE DAYS “copying”. Exactly what it was copying, either from or where to, isn’t clear, but that was a long time for what is supposed to be the fastest storage media on any console ever. And then, when it finished copying, I had to wait another 17 minutes for “…”. Literally, that’s what it said it was doing. Just “…”. For 17 minutes. And people used to complain about Spectrum games taking two minutes to load.

Anyway. That furore overcome, I finally got into the game and oh my is it fun. I remember really enjoying the previous two games, and this is just more of the same, but it just plays so well! There’s loads to do, it looks fantastic, and – as has been the case for decades worth of Spideymens games – the web swinging never gets dull. Insomniac have even added “web wings” to let you glide, and there are paths that follow wind currents you can use so that getting around the (even bigger than before) city of New York is quick and fluid and a joy of acrobatics.

The plot this time centres on Harry Osborn’s miraculous recovery from the terminal illness he found he had in the first game, how the cure is actually, well, a spoiler, and how Kraven the Hunter has turned up in the city trying to find the ultimate prey (and finds the array of supervillains he hunts first are somewhat disappointing). The gameplay, however, is the same super athletic baddie juggling and/or Batman Arkham style sneaky takedowns as before, just for different reasons.

So far, I’ve met and nearly died at the hands of Venom, beaten the Lizard and Kraven, completed Sandman’s “mission”, and taken down (mostly) the cult that I’m pretty certain is going to return in Spider-Man 3 led by Carnage. Oh, and saved a museum from closure because I found a stolen sax-a-ma-phone.

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion Remastered (PS5): COMPLETED!

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The original release of Oblivion is the reason I bought an Xbox 360. Of course, it didn’t quite work out at the time as nowhere had a copy of the game in stock even though I had the console in my hand as I trudged round the local video game shops (remember those?) searching for one. I ended up ordering a copy of the special edition with the map and a coin from someone in Australia and made do with Hexic HD and some XBLA games until it made its way around the world. Anyway, it arrived and it was great and after 200 hours or so on it I didn’t play it again. Not because I didn’t like it, just because it was done. Why would I?

Well, because there’s now a remastered version with faster loading and more invisible frames per second and more pixels and stuff on the PS5! And I got it for Christmas and now here we are – at the completion of it again, almost 20 years later.

The first thing I want to say, is it’s the same game. “But you just said all that about more pixels and stuff!” I hear you cry. Well, sure, but it looks as great as I remember it looking all those years ago even though it clearly is objectively better looking now. I just recall how beautiful and vibrant and full of grass and flowers and mushrooms it was back then and how it was clearly impossible to do it on any console before the 360, and it feels now as it did then. Does that make sense?

The second thing I want to say is also that it’s the same game. As in, it’s the same game. The same locations, quests, characters, and even the same audio as before. They’ve not re-recorded or recast, they’ve not “reimagined” the world of Cyrodiil, they’ve not introduced any new areas or quests. They’ve just made it prettier and tweaked how levelling up works a bit.

The third thing I want to say is, actually, once again, that it’s the same game. The same bugs. The same UI slowdown issue the longer you play. The same repetitive soundbites from NPCs saying how strong I look or how I, somehow, “look like I have illusionist’s hands” even though I’m wearing gauntlets. The same random crashes to the home screen.

The fourth thing I want to say, is, unsurprisingly, that it’s the same game. Somehow, even though I had a vague memory of the race and class of my character on my original play through and I endeavoured to choose something different, I once again ended up with a Breton and somehow once again ended up with a spellsword build. Again.

However, the original Oblivion is one of my favourite games ever, so did I really want it to be different? Sure, actually fixing some of the bugs (for which there have been unofficial fixes written a decade or more ago) would have been nice but no, I just wanted faster loading and prettier graphics. And that’s what I’ve got.

Other than the main quest, I’ve made a start of most of the other questlines in the game. I’ve actually completed The Arena, which was laughably easy by the time I got to it, as I seemed very much over-levelled. I’m up to the bit in the Mage’s Guild where I have to steal back a book I’ve already given to someone else, I’m only a little way into the Fighter’s Guild and Thieves Guild, but I’m (if I remember correctly) almost done with the Dark Brotherhood.

Oblivion Remastered (PS5)

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It’s been a long time since I last played Oblivion, but it’s just as good as I remember. The increased detail, faster loading, and other improvements here no blunt have something to do with that. It still seems to have most of the original bugs intact, mind.

Souldiers (PS5): COMPLETED!

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From the name I fully expected this game to be a soulslike so just clicked nope-skip every time I saw it for sale. But then I stumbled across it on a Metroidvania Games You May Have Missed list and I re-evaluated. Then I noticed it was on sale for about three quid on PSN and so bought it.

First thing I have to say about it is that it’s HUGE. I’m used to 2D Metroidvanias for being 8-10 hours long, maybe 15 at the most, but Souldiers took me over 40 to complete. The world is made up of several large areas like a mine and a pyramid and a sky fortress and each one is about as big as a reasonably sized game by itself. In fact, if I’d completed the first area and that was the end, I’d have felt that was plenty of game, but no – it kept on going.

The plot is something about how you are one of a band of soldiers who, in the middle of a war, end up trapped in a cave. A fairy-like being appears to you and offers you an escape, but to another world. With no hope of getting out any other way, you accept and all step through a portal, ending up in what seems to be a sort of limbo that all sorts of races go to after they die.

This world is under threat though, bad thing with all the power is taking over the place, and so you volunteer to help. Which means you mostly have to do it all yourself. Sure, some of your fellow soldier and new friends help out a bit, but you know how it goes.

It’s a vast Metroidvania with each area being very different in terms of style and gimmicks. There are loads of power-ups, upgrades and secrets, some tricky bosses, and a cast of varied characters, as well as a few twists along the way. Definitely recommended to fans of the genre. Like me!

Goat Simulator 3 (PS5): COMPLETED!

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Apparently, there’s no Goat Simulator 2 for the sole reason that it will annoy people. Makes sense, when the main purpose of the game itself is to annoy people.

Like the first game, you’re a goat who can lick stuff and headbutt stuff, with janky physics and silly things to do. Although there was a sort of plot to the original, it was pretty sandbox-y and directionless. Goat Simulator 3 is more structured, with events and actions to complete, which essentially give you XP that eventually leads to an end game.

There’s still a lot of messing around, blowing stuff up, knocking people into the sea, ruining birthday parties and (for some reason) stealing cars, but with a checklist of missions and loads of items of clothing and accessories (which can let you glide, shoot, summon ghosts, graffiti and more) to collect. There feels like there’s more purpose than before.

Playing it in co-op is even more ridiculous, as you’d expect, but also lets you tackle two things at once. In a way, it reminded me of playing Lego City Undercover, only with more ungulates.

For all the improvements (direction, graphics, structure), it misses out on some of the more insane things from the original. Perhaps the best thing I ever did in that game is lick the rollercoaster and watch the chaos as my goat was pulled around the track by his tongue, totally breaking the physics and geometry and leaving me in stitches. There’s no moment quite like that, as even though it’s completely hatstand somehow Goat Simulator 3 is more “normal”.

Still, it was a free rental on PS+ and we enjoyed it a lot. Especially the Skyrim opening sequence.