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Virtual Boy Wario Land (Switch 2): COMPLETED!

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Yes! I was one of those idiots that paid SIXTY SIX POUNDS for a piece of plastic that you put your Switch (or Switch 2) in, so you can sit awkwardly while playing games made for one of the worst consoles ever made! It’s like having two red-tinted Game Boys stuck in front of your eyes that you can only really play at a table (or, as I did, on the sofa with a teetering pile of lap cushions), all so you can get a not especially impressive 3D effect in some poorly realised games. Idiot.

Just lookit though. LOOKIT.

Although I’ve never owned a Virtual Boy, I have played on a few and can say that this Switch peripheral manages to recreate the ridiculous of the original flop console admirably. With my Nintendo Online subscription I also get access to 7 games (about a third of those ever released – most of the rest are on the way), and having tried them all only Virtual Boy Wario Land really works.

And, against all the odds, it’s great.

It’s a pretty straightforward platformer, with about 20 levels and some power ups that let you smash blocks or shoot fireballs, but the 3D comes in as there are “front” and “back” layers to the playfield. Much like Mutant Mudds, I suppose, which I know came much later. There are special blocks that “throw” you in and out of the screen, as well as pipes and doorways that sometimes do the same. Some of the levels are almost 3D mazes as you try to find a key to open the lift to the next level. Every few levels you get a boss, which also tends to swap plane in some way or another.

The 3D effect is subtle, but it’s nice. I don’t think the game would have suffered by being a straight Game Boy or SNES title, though. It’s hard to see from the screenshots how well it works because it seems so damn dark and the dual-screen thing (one for each eye) means you lose the 3D completely. But anyway, nice game shame about the delivery mechanism, I suppose.

Fantasy Life i: The Girl Who Steals Time (Switch 2): COMPLETED!

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Almost exactly 11 years ago, I played and completed (and then played some more) the original Fantasy Life game on the 3DS. I really enjoyed it, and after all this time I was excited to play the sequel.

Only, it isn’t really a sequel. There’s nothing, plot wise at least, that links this game to the previous one. Sure, the mechanics and graphical style are nearly the same, but there’s no story continuation or even, as far as I can tell, any shared characters or history. Actually, “history” is one of the main plot points in “i” (no, it’s never explained what the “i” is for), since the game takes place in two different eras, 1000 years apart. Gameplay-wise, it isn’t too different from before – choose a Life, level up by doing Life related things, complete quests for people, and so on. So it’s similar.

One big difference, is that you’re pretty much forced to change Life (a Life being a trade or character class) as you progress. In the first game, I completed the story without ever swapping from my Paladin Life, but in “i” you can’t do certain story-based things without changing to be a miner or an alchemist or whatever. Swapping between Lives is a big thing, and as each one levels up separately, there’s a lot of grinding. Certainly more than I remember from the original, and my play time – over 50 hours by the end of the game (with some Lives still untouched) compared with less than that to 100% the original – showing it in cold hard stats. Some of that extra time is that there’s more to do, but a lot is grinding.

Thankfully, a lot of the grinding is done by exploring a separate, and huge, game area called Ginormosia. Here you can level up by chopping trees and swording bees and whatever else, unlocking new companions when you complete shrines you find, and making areas of this continent level up too. It’s fun to just wander and complete challenges like fighting or farming while you grind. I also found a way to quickly level up a new Life. Get one of your miner companions to mine ore while you hang around as an artist or carpenter, and when they are done you get a all the XP. With a miner on level 50 and some level 40-50 ore, you can get your “new” Life from level 1 to level 40-odd in minutes.

In terms of plot, there’s stuff about you and your archaeologist mate flying a dragon to an island, then getting separated as you end up in the past, and then lots of back-and-forth between eras while you build a new village in the present (in a definitely not Animal Crossing type way) whilst finding items and advancing your Lives in the past. There’s loads to do, millions of items, weapons, foods and furniture to craft, people to meet, side quests to complete, and that’s before you even hop over into Ginormosia or do the dungeon tree thing or the dream world stuff. What are they? Well, Google exists.

So, I completed the game as (mainly) a Mercenary, swapping to most of the other Lives along the way. I’ve already made a start on trying to get them all up to at least Expert rank, and have started the other Lives too. Still lots to do, and still having a lot of fun. Is it as good as the original Fantasy Life, though? Well, there’s certainly more, but I’d say overall, it loses a bit of focus as a result. Still excellent, but not quite as excellent.

Lunistice (Switch): COMPLETED!

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A while back, I played the demo of this and enjoyed it enough to stick it on my wishlist until it went on sale. Eventually, it did!

While it might not look like anything special, and there are a million late-90s style 3D platformers around, what this has that most of the others don’t is a properly controllable character. As in, the jumping and “steering” physics and controls feel right. You know how on the Super NES, Mario in Super Mario World feels right, but Bubsy the Bobcat is a horrible slidey imprecise mess? Now see how most 3D platformers from the Mario 64 era (and those that ape it) are more like nasty Gex 3D and not Banjo Kazooie in the same way. Well, Lunistice isn’t and clicked immediately with me.

It isn’t a huge game, with only a handful of worlds with most only having two acts, but it is inventive, varied and fun. There’s bits like Sonic Adventure, and bits like Mario 64, and bits like Crash Bandicoot (only good), but it still manages to be its own thing. Nice music, new-retro 32bit console aesthetic graphics, and a draw distance the PS1 couldn’t even dream about.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Splintered Fate (Switch 2): COMPLETED!

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This is great and it is so obviously using Hades as a template it’s not even fair to suggest it’s anything but a clone. But a really good clone. It even mentions about the powers you obtain as being “boons” at one point, which is what they’re called in Hades.

So, in case you don’t know how Hades plays, I can explain for Turtles. You start in the sewers, and face room after room of similar but random layouts and baddies. Beat the baddies, and you get to choose from a selection of random powerups, including buffs, money – which is scrap metal here – or health. Every so often you’ll reach a shop where you can spend the scrap you’ve picked up on more things. Some powers can be upgraded, you can sometimes get combo powers when you’ve chosen two that work together, and you can extend your life bar and so on. You do more rooms, then a boss, and move on to the next chapter in a new location. Die, and it’s all over and you start again from the Turtle Lair.

All of your powers and buffs from the previous run are lost. However, as you play you also obtain other currencies, which you keep after dying and can spend them in your lair for permanent bonuses, like more heath, greater damage, or increasing the likelihood of top tier powerups appearing.

Just like Hades, it’s stupidly addictive. It’s not quite as polished as Hades, and whereas Hades had so much lore and backstory and Greek myths, legends and gods to involve yourself in, here you’ve just got the Turtles and their acquaintances which isn’t quite on the same level. There’s not as much depth to the combat either, and although you can build your Turtle somewhat differently each run depending on the items you choose, it’s nowhere near the same level of difference you can get in Hades.

What it does have that Hades doesn’t, though, aside from Mikey, is that it has a 2, 3 or 4-player co-op mode. I’ve been playing it with my daughter (she’s generally been Donnie, if you’re curious), and it is loads of fun.

We played it a few times before the Switch 2 upgrade pack came out, and since downloading that I’ve noticed almost no difference at all. Maybe slightly faster load times? Although they were pretty quick anyway. It supposedly pegs the game at 60 frames per second and 4K over the 720p and 30 frames of the Switch version but I can’t tell the difference in all honesty. I think maybe lighting and fire effects look a bit better but it was fine before.

Turns out we actually completed the game a few days ago, but there was a tease after 10 or so successful runs (the game says you need this many) that there was more story to unlock so we played a while longer. I’ve since looked it up and actually, that’s it. Presumably the tease is for a sequel or DLC or something because there’s no more story and we didn’t get to find out exactly what Baxter was up to or who the shadowy baddie who kidnapped Splinter is (and no, it wasn’t Shredder).