the site of uk.games.video.misc
This was a quick play after Thank Goodness You’re Here!, and it’s sort of a prototype for what that game ended up being. It’s more abstract, but still very silly.
This time, you’re a sort of naked onionman thing who has to find food for a creature in order to progress. There’s not a lot to it, but it was enjoyable enough – and free on Steam! Bargain.
Sometimes, a game comes along which is properly hilarious. Sure, there are funny games, and games with funny events or “player made” hilarity, but it’s rare for a funny game to be this funny.
Thank Goodness You’re Here! is what we used to call an arcade adventure game. I suppose, in some ways, it’s the spiritual successor to such British 8-bit computer games as Everyone’s A Wally and Jack the Nipper. You, as a little (although his size randomly changes somehow) yellow man have arrived at the mayor’s office only to find you’ve some time to kill so wander outside. Then begins a ridiculous chain of events across this northern town where you’re expected to help out in various stupid and nonsensical ways.
For example, one of your first tasks involves freeing a portly gentleman who has reached into a drain to reach a tuppence and got his arm stuck. Off you go to the bakery to nick a load of butter with which to lubricate the arm, which frees him and reveals it to actually be a thruppence, not a tuppence. What joy!
Other tasks include arranging smoking fish in a fishmongers, repeatedly annoying a quiet old man by plopping through his chimney sooting up his living room, and fetching meat to make pies. There’s a huge number of proper Northern people who populate this town, ably voiced by Matt Berry and Jon Blyth, amongst others, who add even more silliness to the proceedings. Events that just happen around you, like the singing rats in bins, the Sausage Man, and the chap who sells bricks, as well as a few romances and rivalries (there’s a near war in the Big Pie vs Little Pie side story). Every few seconds there’s a funny event, new character, or bit of dialogue, and it all feels a bit Python-y and a bit On The Buses-y in the best possible way. There’s also a load of adverts for in-universe products which are hilarious.
The gameplay is pretty simple, mostly involving some minor platforming and fetch and carry requests punctuated with a bit of exploration and pathfinding as various areas are revisited in different ways as routes open up or close. That’s not a criticism like it might be with a “straight” game, as the point here is to enjoy the people and the setting (and the accents) more than the gameplay itself which is mostly just the vehicle to progress the story and events.
It’s a really unique game, and I wish I could forget all about it so I can play it again and re-discover it all.
Going South seems to have been the right path, as I came across Cinnabar Island, the location of the seventh gym and also a large science laboratory and ruined house. I spent some time exploring the house, then went to the lab and had my fossil and amber studied and converted into pokémon – Kabuto and Aerodactyl. This gave me a couple of well-needed slots in the pokécentre item storage system, but I’m not sure I’ll actually find space for either of the new pokémon in my main team.
I went to Vermillion City, stopping in at my house on the way, and found that the gym leader had returned. It was Giovanni! Shock, amaze, horror. I am sure that the surprise would have had slightly more impact if I haven’t so easily defeated him twice already, and his pokémon roster was largely unchanged. His ground and rock monsters were defeated easily by Vaporeon and Zapdos, and I took the Earth Badge – completing my trophy cabinet – with little difficulty.
Greater difficulty was to come.
I went along routes 22 and 23, passing the guardians who checked each of the badges in my possession, until I got to the cave system known as Victory Road. Not a road, and not actually the location of victory. I battled through, with Haunter and Vaporeon doing the majority of the heavy lifting, and managed to manipulate the current in the basement to enable me to find Moltres. Tempted as I was to swap the new bird to my team, I had too much emotional connection with Charizard, and fire types aren’t actually as powerful as you’d expect. I found myself at the end of route 23 in the Indigo Plateau, and I healed up, bought a lot of revives, potions, and heals, and I set off for the Elite Four.
On Pokémon LeafGreen I managed to defeat the Elite Four, after many attempts, only to be foiled by the final battle against my rival. That was the furthest I’d ever managed to get, until I managed to complete Pokémon X. As such I was pretty anxious as I made my way into the first battle arena, and this feeling didn’t disappear since Lorelei proved herself to be a formidable foe with her water and ice monsters taking a lot of strategy to take down. Eventually, however, she fell, and the next three trainers were dispatched with comparative ease. Lance was a little tricky, with his dragon-type pokémon, but Dugtrio in particular dealt a lot of damage in each turn.
And then it was on to the champion; my rival who had beaten me to the position. I have no idea why I named him Quillum, but it mattered not. I was expecting an incredibly difficult battle, but I chose my team well so each opponent took a maximum of two hits before fainting.
I won. I beat Pokémon Blue. I saw the credits roll, I had my team entered in the hall of fame, I saw a very definite final screen before the game reset to the title screen.
Of course, that’s not quite the end. I’ve only caught 70 different pokémon of the 150 available, and even if not all of them are going to be obtainable (since I have no friends with the 3DS games) there’s at least one I have my sights on …
One good thing about PS++++++++++, is that in amongst all the crap games and shovelware there are a load of co-op games that are fun for me to play with my daughter. It’s because of an afternoon where we were looking for something to play together that we were trawling through the library and spotted Phogs (or possibly “PHOGS!”), and now we’ve completed it.
In many ways, this game falls into a similar category as other wonky-physics titles like Human Fall Flat and Totally Reliable Delivery Service, in that you have inaccurate control over a character and have to manipulate objects in the environment in order to progress. An additional hinderance here, however, is that each player controls either end of a double-ended dog. Imagine a sausage dog with a head at each end, Push-Me-Pull-You style, with each independently moved by each player. You can make things cosy by sharing a single controller and having a stick each, but we were fine to go with a pad apiece.
Anyway. That’s all logistics waffle – what about the game?
It’s a sort of platformy-puzzley game, where your phog has to reach a big snake at the end of each level who swallows you and moves you on to the next. In the way are gaps you have to fill, plants you have to water, items you have to collect, water spouts you have to plug, and dark areas you have to light up (or vice versa). Mostly, these are achieved by grabbing something with one or both of your phog heads. For example, there’s a watermelon patch that needs watering so the watermelon can grow and create a platform for you to progress. Nearby is a pipe with water coming out. You grab on to the pipe with one phogmouth and then the other phogmouth becomes a hose, and – since you can also stretch your phog – you can use this to reach the patch and water the watermelon.
Cooperation is absolutely key, as you can imagine, especially on the many “swing over this gap” sections, where you can grab hold of a hook (or something) with one phoghead then swing the other phoghead to the next hook and grab hold, repeating until you’ve swung all the way over. Timing is often critical so we found ourselves counting to three a lot. Thankfully, you can’t really die and if you fall off the world (which is inevitable give the wonky physics and lack of coordination) you don’t lose much progress at all.
It’s not a very long game, with us finishing it in about three hours, but we enjoyed it and the silly hats you can unlock (which do nothing except adorn a head). There’s a fair amount of variety across the four main worlds, with bosses of a sort on each. The “night and day” world has some especially clever light-and-dark, awake-and-asleep and perspective puzzles and events. The final world also has a short section where there’s a big change to the game mechanics, although I won’t spoil it. Oh, and eating all the food you find so you get phat phogs never gets old or boring.
It’s nice and colourful and mostly low stress (unlike, say, Overcooked), and we didn’t end up fighting each other or anything so that’s probably a recommendation?
I was quite surprised to see that I didn’t have a category for Atari 2600 games until now, but on reflection that’s because there’s not a huge amount to say about most of them. Playing through the games included on the Atari 50 compilation, most titles require little strategy or thought, instead relying on pure reflexes and quick action. The most successful games are the arcade conversions in the main, although their quality is somewhat varied – and the fact that on the compilation you have access to both the arcade original as well as the 2600 port means that the home conversion is generally a curio only.
There are, of course, exceptions. Haunted House and Adventure were much more in-depth than other games on the platform, despite their short length. I must have played through Adventure a hundred times over the past forty years, mostly in game variant 3.
The bat is possibly the most annoying part of the game. In variant 2 it starts by flying down the screen and stealing your sword, meaning you are defenceless against the roaming dragons – unless you manage to catch the bat itself in the screen to the South. My favourite strategy to minimise danger and reduce the randomness is to catch the bat, and carry it to kill the first dragon in the maze to the West of the starting position, and then hopefully the bat will then drop the sword and carry the dead dragon off and deposit it somewhere else.
It doesn’t always work like that, though. There have been occasions where the sword doesn’t kill the dragon but instead the bat grabs the live dragon and carries it off. After this you never know when you’re going to be surprised when you enter a new room. Even worse is when the bat grabs the live dragon, which then swallows you, and you are carried from screen to screen until the bat decides to deposit you somewhere.
Or, as shown in the header image of this post, the bat drops a dead dragon and steals the bridge, trapping you in a small area in the maze with no escape.
Variant 3 deals with this randomness by institutionalising it. Every item – keys, swords, dragons – is randomised at the start, and this means that you need quick reactions and a certain amount of patience to find what’s needed while avoiding the dragons. And the bat’s back as well. I will win every time when playing variants 1 and 2, but variant 3 has no guarantee of the sword being available before the dragons, and there are only a certain number of rooms you can run away to.
The game holds up remarkably well. It’s short, no doubt, but because of this it’s really replayable and fun. So many games have developed from this, but it’s still worth going back to the roots. Needless to say, I completed this, several times.
